the devil's dog treat

never. ever. NEVEREVER buy these for your dogs. my dogs have had them twice (i bought them once and my mom bought them once), and each time BOTH dogs writhed in pain as they wretched the remnants of the evil oinkies out. i feel like writing hartz a letter and telling them they can shove their oinkies up their oinkes.

this dude can rock

over the weekend, the hubs, some friends and i saw this guy in concert.

these folks opened for him, and i was even more excited to see them (little big town) than i was the main show. little big town did not disappoint - i love the way they've fused the fleetwood mac vibe with contemporary country music. awesome.

but keith urban blew me away. i've always liked his music, but he's never entered my list of favs or must-sees . . . until now. the man is a seriously talented musician - he rocked no fewer than a half dozen guitars, and had more energy than the energizer bunny on speed. most of the show, i felt like i was at a rock concert and not a country pop concert because keith and his band kicked some serious ass. if you get a chance to see keith and company - take it - you won't regret it, even if you're not into country.

winter song

i've had this song on repeat all morning. i love it. i can't remember the last time i heard a song that captured my soul the way this one does. is love alive?

precarious

i know i haven't been a very good blogger lately.

i guess there are lots of reasons, and no reason at all.

i'm in limbo right now and i'm scared. i want to find an answer but i don't want the answer that i suspect i'm going to get.

image via ffffound.

93 words per minute

i enter my fair share of blogger contests. but i'm really keeping my fingers crossed for down and out chic's latest contest, which is a giveaway of this shabby apple dress. so friggin' cute. reminds me a bit of mad men's christina hendricks . . . what's not to L-O-V-E??

incidentally, i type 117 words per minute. what about you?

nice = moron

i heard that according to a recent study, portland has the nicest drivers in the entire country. oh, how i beg to differ. if you substitute any of the following words for "nice," then the study is correct: stupid, air-headed, sunday-driving, spacey, or just plain f*cking retarded. seriously.

one who doesn't live in portland, might think that the driver that just let you merge into traffic is being oh-so-considerate: i assure you, this isn't the case. he's too engrossed in his thoughts about the soil he uses in his vegan garden to notice that a world exists outside of his prius. i, too, made the mistake of thinking portland drivers were supernice when i first got here, but i have learned the truth. a truth that involves daily encounters with lame ass drivers who choose to drive 20 miles under the speedlimit in a 50 zone, come to a complete stop on the freeway to allow another car to enter their lane, put their blinker on for 3 miles, so you have no idea when they actually plan on turning, yielding to cars that don't have the right of way, etc etc.

makes me want to SCREEEEAM and almost makes me miss the aggression of LA drivers. almost.

the definition of courage

i had a whole list of crap i was going to rant about today to mark the return to regular blogging. but then i read this post. and everything else seems so insignificant and irrelevant. talk about being humbled.

public speaking

i am ridiculously busy this week taking a class on public speaking for work. two words for you: no likey. tomorrow i get to give a 20 minute presentation in front of the class on a topic of my choice. i chose to speak about the group above . . . should be interesting . . .

are you kidding me?

didn't like it. not one bit. i do think that gordon-leavitt did a wonderful job, but i was thoroughly bored with zooey's flat performance. i so desperately wanted her to tuck those swarthy sideburns behind her ears but it never happened: muy distracting. the story line was uncomfortably depressing - perhaps reminding me too much of relationships past to appreciate its unconventional approach to the romantic comedy. my final gripe: LA is an awesome city in its own right, so the director's obvious attempt to make it look like NYC pissed me off. sorry folks - i know everyone has ranted and raved, but i want those 2 hours and 500 days of my life back.

be still my colorful heart

a little surprise arrived in the mail last week. usually i am annoyed when i discover that my information has been sold to some catalog publisher, but when my first boden catalog arrived unsolicited, i was thrilled. i discovered that i love LOVE love their clothes - particularly because of the use of lots of vibrant colors. just take a look at a few of the things i plan on purchasing . . .

it's about time

i am starting to feel like myself again. halle-freakin-lujah. although i've only seen my new doc twice, she is the best doctor i've ever been to in my entire life. she's identified major issues that i've been struggling with for years and i'm already feeling better. she cares, and that makes all the difference. i'm thrilled, but also furious at all those half-ass doctors that kept brushing me off. i want to send them a scathing letter telling them where they can stick it. damned lazy losers.

i'm also excited because the hubs and i planted the seedlings of a new plan. i will continue working at my hell-hole (but well-paying job) for 6 months to a year: we will pay off all our debt besides our house, and then we'll be set for me to quit and open my own business. i can hardly wait. i know it will be an amazing amount of work, but i can't wait.

photo via ffffound.

living

sometimes i feel like life is whooshing past me. most of the time i feel like i merely exist, that i don't live, which really bothers me. i don't know how to fix it, though. i don't know if its because i'm not well, or if i'm just going through a phase. how to i get back to living?

image via ffffound.

am i really that boring? really?

i've got a bone to pick with you. yes, you. although if you're reading this, you're not really my target, but please, read on. if you've read miss rikki for a while, you'll know that i once restricted comments on my blog for fear of the "0 comments" tag at the bottom of each post: did i really want to know if my blog was going unread? then, i decided that i didn't really give a rat's ass if i had comments or not, so comments were allowed. now, i'm somewhere in between, because let's be honest, we put ourselves out there with the hope that we will be received by others in the bloggery, and he recent strain of "0 comments" on this here blog makes me wonder if anyone is out there or if i've been incidentally absorbed by the interweb.

i readily acknowledge that:

- i'm not the best writer;

- my pithy humor doesn't always translate well on the blog;

- i don't have design ideas oozing out of my pores;

- i have a great sense of style but don't spend my life savings on my wardrobe;

- i have a wonderful husband but i live in reality and not romance-la-la-land;

- i don't hate the world and want to drone on about the darkness;

- i have no children.

so maybe my blog goes relatively ignored because i don't fall into one of the prescribed blog categories: the writer/the comedian/the designer/the fashionista/the meg-ryan-love-is-a- real-life-romantic-comedy/the life hater/or the mommy blog. or maybe i don't put myself out there enough (yes, yes, i know you all love the pictures, but i'm not loving my reflection right now). maybe what i have to say is totally irrelevant (although i'd say in the scheme of life, most blog content is relatively irrelevant). maybe my sole follower (thank you, and hugs!) will be the only one to hear this voice, and maybe that fact will prompt me to stop holding back for fear of alienating the blogging masses, which i is realize is silly since they don't read miss rikki anyways.

ahhhh. that feels better, and sometimes all it takes is a nice little case of verbal diarrhea.

THE plan

i've hesitated discussing the plan. somehow, putting the plan into words would mean acknowledging that the plan had ::gasp:: failed, and i wasn't ready for that. but i think i need to say the words - i think i need to let the universe know that i'm open to a new plan . . .

the fear of admitting the plan isn't anything new. how many times as a child were we asked what do you want to be when you grow up? i imagine i was not alone in hesitating to answer that question truthfully for a long, long time. i didn't want to hear the pitied "oh that's so ambitious" or the sarcastic "good luck with that," or even the realistic statistics of my chance for success. so instead, i'd answer with something safely achievable: i want to be an accountant, a lawyer, a teacher.

but my real answer, what i wanted to be, what i planned my life around was becoming an fbi agent. maybe that's anticlimactic to you, but to me, the appeal of being part of the most elite law enforcement agency in the world was unrivaled. i avidly read all the true crime books i could get my hands on as a child. my favorite movie growing up was FEDS (about two women pursuing a career with the fbi). its difficult for me to articulate exactly what sparked this desire: its probably a combination of helping others, feeling powerful, and being part of something so revered. and i was determined to turn this desire into reality through carefully executed planning and preparation.

almost every decision i made from high school on was made after considering will this help me get there? my selection of college courses, my grad school program, my forensics training, my current job: all were strategic choices to help me fulfill my dream, my plan. and i was almost there. i passed the personality and psychology profile. i passed the written exam. i'd aced the interview portion (which some professional recruiters consider the most difficult interview process in existence). i was in the best shape of my life. i was just a step away from heading to the fbi academy when the plan started to crumble.

the specifics of why the plan crumbled will be the subject of another lengthy post on another rainy day. but what started as sore muscles and annoying headaches has turned into knee-buckling migraines and muscle/joing pain so severe that sometimes i cannot walk up stairs. almost two years of exams, mris, xrays, blood tests, biopsies, and more, i'm not much closer to knowing what's wrong. but i do know this: knowing what i know now, i don't think my dream or my plan would have been any different. because its not necessarily the actualization of the dream that fulfills us, but having the dream - having something to hope for and work towards - that keeps us going. and that's where the implosion of the plan has left me feeling lost: i need a dream, and i need a plan. and i'm not quite sure where to find either.

i survived

forget any previous post where i have declared a show the best on television. i survived, on the biography channel, is the most intensely moving television show i've seen. if you've watched the show, you know exactly what i mean. if you haven't, you're missing some of the best stories demonstrating the will to live and the power of the human mind. the simple technique of filming the victim very close up, as they recount the details of their ordeal, makes the story so personal: you almost feel as if you are in the room with the victim. here are just a few examples, but you can find more here.

wayne and mary, season 1: after a nearby train derailment causes a massive chlorine gas leak, wayne and mary (and three relatives) are trapped in their homes, unable to escape. the chlorine is so strong, it melts their keys, so they cannot go anywhere. the police will not respond, for fear of their own safety, nor will they let volunteers assist those trapped (and even threaten to shoot volunteers with their own chem gear if they try to help). wayne and mary are repeatedly given horrible instructions by the dispatcher, including being told to take showers: combining water with chlorine creates hydrochloric acid . . .

dan and danielle, season 2: while taking an evening walk, dan and danielle are forced into a stranger's truck and gunpoint. both are shot - danielle in the face - and are tossed into a river to drown. they play dead and float down the cold river, while their shooter watches on. afraid to swim to shore for fear that they will be shot again by the shooter, they continue to act dead. when they finally reach the shore, a man flags down a truck to help rescue them. fearful that the truck is the same truck they were forced into earlier, the two jump back in the river. . .

terri, season 3: terri heads to her ex-husband's house to pick up her girls who have been spending time with their dad. when the kids don't come out, terri knocks and the door, and is invited in, despite just wanting to get her girls and leave. her ex-husband savagely attacks her, beating her in the head with a baseball bat: her head swells up to three times its normal size. he then stuffs her into a garbage can, and dumps the can at a remote location, where terri begins to freeze. . .

check it out. you'll be so moved by these stories, and feel that you're life, as crappy as it seems sometimes, really is wonderful. (you'll also be completely horrified by what one human being is capable of doing to another. ::shudder::)

photo from here.

i just can't get enough

i missed so you think you can dance this week but the hubs tivo-ed for me. i am SO glad he did because i can't stop watching the mia michaels' number that kayla and kupono danced to sara barellesis' gravity (only one of the best songs ever). the judges just seemed lukewarm, but the routine was so visceral, so emotional, i hold my breath every time i watch it. haven't seen it? go HERE.

just listed

i finally posted some new goodies on etsy tonight. here is my fav of the latest batch of creations: the "clementine" earrings are all sterling, with bright orange chalcedony and aquamarine rondelles. i can't wear these enough!

did you watch?

i only caught the segment where brooke shields spoke. i thought she was so genuine, providing a look into michael the person and not the superstar. her hands shook as she nervously tucked her hair behind her should every few seconds, trying to hold back the tears. may we all be so lucky to have a friend who really knows us, identifies with our life struggles, and makes us laugh until we cry, as brooke had in michael.

image from the mirror.

salt lake, here i come!

i leave this afternoon for salt lake city . . . i haven't been home in several years. although i'll only be gone for a few days - most of which will be spent working - i'm excited to see family and friends at a big bash tomorrow night. and to see how much the city has grown since i moved away ten years ago. any suggestions on where i should eat while there? i still have my favs, but i know lots of new places have popped up over the last few years . . .

image from destination 360.

new book

i just spent the last hour perusing this book. although i wish the book offered more unique recipes, i am really excited to try the following yummies:

- snickerdoodle cupcakes

- applesauce spice cupcakes

- strudel cupcakes

sweet tater fries!!

how delicious does this meal by Sunday Suppers look?? i am in LOVE with sweet potato fries, and this recipe is making my mouth water. we're heading to bend this weekend and if we have a cookout, i'm making the fries fo sho.

photo by karen mordechai.

down the road

when the hubs and i decide to produce offspring, i want to decorate the bebe's room with olivier tallec prints. the colors, the creativity, the fluidity: amazing, right?

one size fits all?!?

i am not a skinny girl. but i'm not a fat girl either. i'm somewhat tall, and rather broad. i have a pretty proportional body, and while i'd like to be more toned, i have plenty to love about my body (thanks for the reminder meg).

so, i was incredibly put-off while shopping online last night at nordies. i found this darling top, and when i went to add it to my shopping cart, the only size listed was "one size fits all." strange, i thought, so i clicked the size chart link to learn just what "one size fits all" meant to this designer. the result? one size fits all means all that fall in the sizes 0-6 category. what the f? are you kidding me? not even a quarter of american women are in the 0-6 category. needless to say, i did not buy the top, but it infuriates me that this teensy-tiny construction of the female figure is so prolific. we are NOT all size 0-6. now, if the designer said one size fits all and meant sizes 8-14, then he'd be more on the money, as about 50-60% of women fall in this category. but as it stands, the label is misleading. mistaken. false advertising, really. the label should read "one size fits less than a quarter of american women." hah. i'm sure his line would sell well then.

forget regret, or life is yours to miss

a few quick notes about RENT, which we saw this weekend:

- the music & lyrics of the show are by far better than the script. hands down. i sang my way through the entire show.

- adam pascal and anthony rapp still rock, even if their performances seemed a little tired.

- the set was utilized brilliantly.

- lexi lawson's understudy, caren tacket, rocked the upbeat tunes, but lacked the control demanded by the slower songs.

- nicolette hart, playing maureen, stole the second act. hands down.

- if jesse l. martin ever reprises his role, i will be there in a flash- mmmmm!

yes, yes, i realize that this is all about a dozen years too late, but if you're planning on seeing the touring show, my vote is GO!

image from here.

gimme more

i go through these phases where i become obsessed with one food, and i eat it and eat it and eat it until i can eat it no more. i've blogged at length about my recent saint cupcake indulgences: i had to cease my twice-a-week visits after i upchucked from overdoing it.

so cupcakes are out, but peanut butter stuffed pretzel nuggets are SO in! i picked some up for the girls during the getting-ready period for kate's wedding, and now i have to have them. every day. every single day. so good. am i the only one that does this?

image found here.

on the agenda this weekend

we plan to:

- visit our local farmer's market and stock up on delicious berries and other local goodies.

- see Rent, the broadway tour

- take the quad and motorcycle out and ride, sally, ride

- wash, dry, fold and hang a mountain of laundry

- stay up late AND sleep in

what will you do?

photo via ffffound

i don't exactly have a bikini-worthy body

but i still think i'm going to buy this suit from jcrew. yay or nay?

burn this disco out

there are few words. your work was genius, your life was unfinished. my sympathies go out to those you leave behind. and to you - your life was far from perfect: exploited at an early age for a fame that would destroy you. may you find more peace in the afterlife than you did on earth.

photo from here.

my closet

i love color. i don't believe that a person can have too much color in their wardrobe. this picture accurately represents my closet - every color in the rainbow, arranged in order. now that i'm a brunette, i'm realizing that some of my colors may not work on me anymore, but i'll probably wear them anyway. because i love color. i am color.

photo found via ffffound (but my link is broken).

kate and adam: round 2

from the top: zipping up the dress; walking down the aisle; first dance (his concentration was adorable); cake (including red velvet tier - YUM!!); candy bar; me attempting to take a picture of my hair-do; finally asking someone else to take the picture. more to come.

4th street stairs

i hadn't been back for eight months. and how i missed it. i missed the energy. i missed the sunshine. i missed the santa monica pier. i missed my favorite hole-in-the-wall eateries. most of all, i missed my friends. i've been seriously wondering if moving to portland was a mistake.

but then, we landed. and the smog encircled us. the airport passangers pushed and shoved and stampeded by in way you'd never experience at pdx. the car rental was beyond a hassle, and even at 1 a.m., the traffic was crazy and the drivers were evil. very quickly, i was reminded why L.A. drove me away.

i think i'll always miss having to having any item, service, or event at my disposal. i think i'll always miss jogging the 4th street stairs. i think i'll always miss living somewhere so . . . cool. but what i miss most are the amazing experiences, memories, and friends i made in L.A. crepe runs on 3rd street with kate. going on forensic ride-alongs with the l.a. coroner. arguing over where the lunch gang boys and i were going for lunch. singing in the band. the restaurants where i fell in love.

but we all move on. its part of life. things had already begun to change before i left L.A., and now all those things i miss would be no more, even if i still lived there. L.A. is no longer home. i'm not sure that portland is, either, but i'm finally ready to move on. i know that because somehow, the pangs of longing for all that i missed, have turned into feelings of warmth and nostalgia. and that feels really really good.

here comes the bride . . .

i spent a gorgeous weekend in los angeles at the wedding of these two. as beautiful as they look in this engagement photo, they were a million times more beautiful on their wedding day. i loved being a bridesmaid - kate was a calm, cool, collected bride. very unlike me on my day. :P more pictures to follow!!

photo by next exit photography.

never a bridesmaid

i'm off to L.A. for the weekend. i'm a bridesmaid in k's wedding, and i can't wait. it's my first time being a bridesmaid, and the weekend is full of girly girl activities. yipper!! pictures to come . . .

photo via ffffound.

i'm making these tonight

how phenomenal do these biscuits and flavored butters look? i can't wait! thank you for the recipe sunday suppers!

photo by karen mordechi.

muscians i love: ben folds

i've liked ben folds since i was 16 years old, but it wasn't until i was in college that i truly fell in the with the man who rocks the suburbs. i'm quite sure my deepening affection for mr. folds was largely influenced by a certain former boyfriend, but my love for mr. folds has sustained the test of time that the former bf did not.

ben folds music is truly artistic. original. sarcastic. sad. beautiful. i can't think of a single song written by mr. folds that i do not enjoy listening to. but my all-time-favorite-ben-folds-song has to be the luckiest:

I don't get many things right the first time

In fact, I am told that a lot

Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls

Brought me here

And where was I before the day

That I first saw your lovely face?

Now I see it everyday

And I know

That I am I am I am

The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you

In a house on a street where you lived?

Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike

Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes

I see one pair that I recognize

And I know

That I am I am I am

The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties

And one day passed away in his sleep

And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days

And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that

I know we belong

That I know

That I am I am I am

The luckiest

picture from here.

to the love of my life (you know who you are)...

love, me

photo via ffffound

numb tongue

try saying that three times quickly. :P so, the past several days have not been good for me health-wise. i'm sure i'll post at length about my health drama later, but not today. anyhow, my doctor prescribed some muscle relaxants for me to help me sleep at night. the i took the first dose on monday night and was a complete noodle on tuesday. thus, on tuesday night, i decided to just take half of a pill. i bit the pill in half, swallowed it, and put the other half back in the drawer. not five minutes later, i turned to the hubs to say "i love you, goodnight," and my tongue was completely numb. it came out like "i lub you, goothiiight." apparently, some of the muscle relaxant dissolved on my tongue, numbing it. sometimes, i amaze myself at how smart i am.
photo found here.

as promised

before . . . after. . .

which do you like better?

by the time you read this . . .

i will no longer be blonde. i've been blonde most of my life - for the first half of my life it was natural, and then, not-so-natural. i've been wondering how i would look with my natural brunette hair color, but have been too nervous to try it out. but today, i am taking the plunge-i will post a photo of the results.

thanks, heisschic, for the inspiration.

photo via ffffound.

mr. pink arrived!

and i could not be more excited to get out and play with my new toy. i think its going to be a match made in heaven. because i am in love.

image via ffffound.

new math

have you seen this site? i think it is, in one simple word, rad.

letter to nie

dear stephanie,

thank you for your moving post on monday. my heart wrenched deeply as i read your post - not only because i feel so horrible that you have to endure so much physical and emotional pain, but also because i empathize. i really do.

i have never suffered something as catastrophic as an airplane crash, but i have been in life-altering amounts of physical pain for the past year and a half that i am no longer to be the rikki i used to be. nor am i able to be the rikki i want to be, and that is actually harder for me to deal with than the pain itself. the doctors have inaccurately diagnosed me with about six different autoimmune disorders, put me through a million tests, mris, scans, etc. and they still don't have an answer. they all agree - i have something, but what that something is, they just aren't sure. the latest suspected culprit is mastocytosis. we'll see. can't say i'm optimistic at this point about them ever finding out what is wrong.

but enough about me. back to you. thank you for being an inspiration to us all. your faith, strength, and love shine through every word you write. when you said "i get to change the way i look at life and how i can help someone else in need," just know this: you have already helped at least one person. you've helped me change the way i look at my life.

much love and admiration,
rikki

image via ffffound

i envy you if . . .

i'm always on the hunt for new blogs to follow (if you have any suggestions, please let me have them!!), and recently found this blog. i loved the "i envy you if . . ." post so much that i decided to write my own.


i envy you if . . .

- you are skinny. you skinny bitch, you.

- you never get sick.

- you run marathons.

- you live within walking distance to a fab cucpake joint.

- your dogs don't bark at every moving object in the universe.

- you don't have to wash your hair every day.

- you have naturally beautiful fingernails which you never bite.

- you have no trouble sleeping.

i know, i know. envy is a sin. but i can't help it. so join me and tell me what you envy.

my first crush

i remember the first time i saw him. i was in fifth grade, and was starting a new elementary school. he wasn't in my class, but i saw him in the lunch line and *swooned.* he had the bluest eyes i'd ever seen - years later, my girlfriend and i would refer to him as "obe" for ocean blue eyes.

the crush lasted five years. you read that right. five long years. he was a jock, and a i was a nerd of the nerdliest kind, so there was never a chance that my affections would be returned. it didn't keep this girl from pining, though.

then i met nick, who became my first boyfriend, and it was obe? obe who?? in retrospect, i am pretty embarrassed that i crushed on ocean blue eyes for so long: we had nothing in common. zip. zero. zilch. he was the quarterback, i was the president of national honor society. he was a party boy. i was a good girl. his future was college football. my future was the world.

i don't know what obe is doing with his life. after finding this picture, i know he went on an LDS mission (he's on the left), but i can tell you that if our paths crossed now, i don't know that i'd even look twice (and not just because i'm married). but because i'm not the same person i was in junior high, and although its presumptuous of me to say this - i suspect he is.