4th street stairs

i hadn't been back for eight months. and how i missed it. i missed the energy. i missed the sunshine. i missed the santa monica pier. i missed my favorite hole-in-the-wall eateries. most of all, i missed my friends. i've been seriously wondering if moving to portland was a mistake.

but then, we landed. and the smog encircled us. the airport passangers pushed and shoved and stampeded by in way you'd never experience at pdx. the car rental was beyond a hassle, and even at 1 a.m., the traffic was crazy and the drivers were evil. very quickly, i was reminded why L.A. drove me away.

i think i'll always miss having to having any item, service, or event at my disposal. i think i'll always miss jogging the 4th street stairs. i think i'll always miss living somewhere so . . . cool. but what i miss most are the amazing experiences, memories, and friends i made in L.A. crepe runs on 3rd street with kate. going on forensic ride-alongs with the l.a. coroner. arguing over where the lunch gang boys and i were going for lunch. singing in the band. the restaurants where i fell in love.

but we all move on. its part of life. things had already begun to change before i left L.A., and now all those things i miss would be no more, even if i still lived there. L.A. is no longer home. i'm not sure that portland is, either, but i'm finally ready to move on. i know that because somehow, the pangs of longing for all that i missed, have turned into feelings of warmth and nostalgia. and that feels really really good.