am i really that boring? really?

i've got a bone to pick with you. yes, you. although if you're reading this, you're not really my target, but please, read on. if you've read miss rikki for a while, you'll know that i once restricted comments on my blog for fear of the "0 comments" tag at the bottom of each post: did i really want to know if my blog was going unread? then, i decided that i didn't really give a rat's ass if i had comments or not, so comments were allowed. now, i'm somewhere in between, because let's be honest, we put ourselves out there with the hope that we will be received by others in the bloggery, and he recent strain of "0 comments" on this here blog makes me wonder if anyone is out there or if i've been incidentally absorbed by the interweb.

i readily acknowledge that:

- i'm not the best writer;

- my pithy humor doesn't always translate well on the blog;

- i don't have design ideas oozing out of my pores;

- i have a great sense of style but don't spend my life savings on my wardrobe;

- i have a wonderful husband but i live in reality and not romance-la-la-land;

- i don't hate the world and want to drone on about the darkness;

- i have no children.

so maybe my blog goes relatively ignored because i don't fall into one of the prescribed blog categories: the writer/the comedian/the designer/the fashionista/the meg-ryan-love-is-a- real-life-romantic-comedy/the life hater/or the mommy blog. or maybe i don't put myself out there enough (yes, yes, i know you all love the pictures, but i'm not loving my reflection right now). maybe what i have to say is totally irrelevant (although i'd say in the scheme of life, most blog content is relatively irrelevant). maybe my sole follower (thank you, and hugs!) will be the only one to hear this voice, and maybe that fact will prompt me to stop holding back for fear of alienating the blogging masses, which i is realize is silly since they don't read miss rikki anyways.

ahhhh. that feels better, and sometimes all it takes is a nice little case of verbal diarrhea.

i envy you if . . .

i'm always on the hunt for new blogs to follow (if you have any suggestions, please let me have them!!), and recently found this blog. i loved the "i envy you if . . ." post so much that i decided to write my own.


i envy you if . . .

- you are skinny. you skinny bitch, you.

- you never get sick.

- you run marathons.

- you live within walking distance to a fab cucpake joint.

- your dogs don't bark at every moving object in the universe.

- you don't have to wash your hair every day.

- you have naturally beautiful fingernails which you never bite.

- you have no trouble sleeping.

i know, i know. envy is a sin. but i can't help it. so join me and tell me what you envy.

today is the tomorrow

i haven't been the best blogger lately. i've been busy at work with the rikki road relaunch - still not sure when its going to happen, but i've been a-workin' hard-all-the-livelong-day. :P

i read this quote today and thought it so perfectly described where i am lately . . .

"remember -- today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday"
- dale carnegie

and the cycle continues.

panic. attack.

i had a panic attack today. not the i-locked-my-keys-in-the-car freak out that most would chalk up to a panic attack. a tried and true panic attack. full of the oh-my-lord-i-can't breathe. i'm-about-to-throw-up. i-am-so-dizzy-i-might-fall-into-a-well. someone-please-stop-the-shaking. is-this-what-a-heart-attack-feels-like? (can you tell i'm hyphen happy today?)

i've been having panic attacks since junior high, but wasn't diagnosed until college. i thought it was normal to shake, have cold sweats, breath super fast, and melt down when you didn't know the answer to a question on your ap calc test. turns out, its not normal. who knew?? my attacks are much less frequent now that i get a little Rx help, but they do occur every so often. for oh-so-ridiculous reasons.

today, i had a very important meeting. very. very. VERY. important meeting. i put the address in my gps the night before and left extra early to make my appointment. but the gps routed me through the entire city, telling me to turn where there were no turn signs, and directing me the wrong way down one way streets. i finally arrived at my appointment, but couldn't find parking. anywhere. i circled and circled. i feverishly hunted for a spot. just one little spot. but every parking garage was "temporarily full." every prospect i stalked to their car just fed the meter. what gluttons.

that's when it happened. i started to shake. i couldn't breathe. i called the hubs, who immediately recognized my incoherent-attempts-at-forming-words, and came to my rescue. he's so wonderful that way.

i made my meeting. 40 minutes late. and it didn't go well. it has been a very. very. VERY. rough week, both personally and professionally. but the panic attack reminded me, as it always does, that stupid shit isn't worth falling into a frenzy over. and that no matter how frenzied i do get, i have a man who loves me and stands by my side.

oh, i wish i was an oscar meyer weiner!

i have visceral hatred for bridges. the fear stems from my childhood: i vividly remember footage of people trapped on the bay bridge as it collapsed following the loma prieta quake of 1989 in northern california. 20 years later, i'm still incredibly uneasy each time i have to cross over any body of water. but yesterday, as i held my breath and drove over one on the city's many bridges, i saw the oscar meyer weiner mobile cruising along in front of me. its the first time i've seen the weiner mobile on the road, and although i can't say that i was overly excited by the site of a giant hot dog on wheels, i was momentarily distracted from the fact that i was on the bridge. instead, i found myself smiling and anticipating the barbecues we'll host this summer. i could almost smell the smoke wafting from the grill, and taste the fresh corn-on-the-cob. before i knew it, i'd completed my journey across the bridge: it turns out that oscar meyer really does have a way . . .

bugger

well, i didn't get the new job. i'm bummed, but i think i'd prepared myself for it because i hadn't heard from the company at all. its a little scary, given that i'm down to a matter of weeks at the current job, but its all going to work out. right?

spring = allergies = heLL

does anyone else think this allergy season is getting to a particularly early, ramped-up start? i think i'm going to insert an intravenous drip of zyrtec into my arm. yikes.

my new bad habit

i'm developing a very bad habit. one i'm not proud of at all.

for the past two weeks, i've been going to mcdonalds most mornings for breakfast. it started when i didn't have milk for cereal one morning. then, it was just so easy and yummy that i kept going. must. stop. now. but. CAN'T.

i rationalize my mickey d's habit by convincing myself that what i'm eating isn't that bad for me. i order a sausage egg mcmuffin, but without the sausage. instead, i add an extra egg. so, i'm having two eggs, a little cheese (most of which i scrape off), and an english muffin. that's not too bad, right?

wrong. because my weight has gone up FOUR friggin pounds over the past two weeks and the evil mcmuffins are the only change in my diet. i'm not exactly sure where the calories are hiding, but i don't have time to figure that out now. i need to go eat the mcmuffin i just bought before it gets cold.

so long, county general

i am probably only one of the few people out there that still watched ER. with the reality show boom, (and the sickening epidemic of those shows skewing reality), i found comfort in this standard-tv-drama that tapped into humanity, allowing me to feel something more than contempt for the lastest-wannabe on tv. i am sad to see it go, especially since last night's episode failed to live up to all the finale hype. that said, i was moved to tears by ernest borgine's performance, and EW's ken tucker agrees: "ernest borgnine's fine performance, as a grieving husband to his dying wife, was both moving and a sharp rebuke to a TV industry that doesn't use great, aging talents like his more frequently." if you missed it, you can see it here.