i had a panic attack today. not the i-locked-my-keys-in-the-car freak out that most would chalk up to a panic attack. a tried and true panic attack. full of the oh-my-lord-i-can't breathe. i'm-about-to-throw-up. i-am-so-dizzy-i-might-fall-into-a-well. someone-please-stop-the-shaking. is-this-what-a-heart-attack-feels-like? (can you tell i'm hyphen happy today?) i've been having panic attacks since junior high, but wasn't diagnosed until college. i thought it was normal to shake, have cold sweats, breath super fast, and melt down when you didn't know the answer to a question on your ap calc test. turns out, its not normal. who knew?? my attacks are much less frequent now that i get a little Rx help, but they do occur every so often. for oh-so-ridiculous reasons.
today, i had a very important meeting. very. very. VERY. important meeting. i put the address in my gps the night before and left extra early to make my appointment. but the gps routed me through the entire city, telling me to turn where there were no turn signs, and directing me the wrong way down one way streets. i finally arrived at my appointment, but couldn't find parking. anywhere. i circled and circled. i feverishly hunted for a spot. just one little spot. but every parking garage was "temporarily full." every prospect i stalked to their car just fed the meter. what gluttons.
that's when it happened. i started to shake. i couldn't breathe. i called the hubs, who immediately recognized my incoherent-attempts-at-forming-words, and came to my rescue. he's so wonderful that way.
i made my meeting. 40 minutes late. and it didn't go well. it has been a very. very. VERY. rough week, both personally and professionally. but the panic attack reminded me, as it always does, that stupid shit isn't worth falling into a frenzy over. and that no matter how frenzied i do get, i have a man who loves me and stands by my side.
