dating genius

remember when i went on that lengthy diatribe about the kosher-ness of discussing past relationships? well, i'm going to make good on my word, and talk about one of my dating propensities: dating genius.

i'm a smart girl. i did well in school. but i'm no mensa material. i'm not even ivy league material. and i'm okay with that. but in high school, i wasn't. i felt like i'd drawn the short straw because i really wanted to be one of the super-smart kids - one of the kids that didn't have to work at it, like i did. i studied every minute of every day and still got an A- in my first semester calculus class. it killed me. moreover, it killed me that other students who didn't spend a fraction of the time studying as much i did, easily earned an A in calc, or a perfect 1600 on their SATs. you know the kind.

i know the kind. i dated the kind. i dated a literal mensa genius in high school, and another in college. i suspect a third bf was mensa material, too, but he "didn't want to be labeled." some girls go crazy for the bad boys - i went crazy for the nerds.

here's my dime-store psychology take on why i dated genius: i was looking for something in someone else that i had insecurities about in myself. i was insecure about my intelligence. sure, i was smart. but i wasn't the smartest. and none of us like to settle for second best, but by dating the smartest, somehow i was part of the club.

turns out, though, that dating an intellectual genius equates to dating an emotional retard. while these boys excelled academically, they had the emotional depth of my neighbor's kiddie pool. when interacting with acquaintances, those shallow social skills performed just fine. but when it came to an actual relationship, where you have to give of yourself, learn from your partner, be a team: big fat failures.

i don't want to make it sound like these guys are bad guys: they are good people. they are just not good partners (for me, at least). i prefer a man to tell me i look "pretty" instead of "healthy." i prefer a man who would rather spend some of his free time with me, rather than reading the latest publication on quantum physics or post-cold war political analysis. i prefer a man who understands non-verbal cues and doesn't say "what a perfect day" to a family who has just lost their grandmother. i prefer a man who knows that there is more to life than knowing facts.

i guess emotional intelligence, like intellectual intelligence, is something you have or you don't. you can work at it all you want, but eventually you're going to reach your god-given limit. my god-given intellectual limit was an A- minus in calculus. and the boy geniuses' limit in the emotional department: a D+, at best.
i think i'm the one that drew the long straw, after all.